Monday, August 24, 2009

Well it's official. Shawn and I are going to have a small goup Bible study in our house. We had been saying how in a church so large we really needed to get into a Bible study. Well our dilemma is it had to be on Wed and it had to allow you to bring children. Not one of the studies fit what we needed. We thought about it and talked with a bunch of people in the church and yesterday we signed up and went to our training. We are one of a handful of studies that will allow familes with children to come. The best part is because we are about 5 min from the house the elementary - high school age kids can go to a program at the chuch while the parent and little ones come to our house. We have already been told that we will fill up rather quickly because of the kids stuff.
Lets see what else has been going on. The kids are all in full force sports, and school. Life is busy, busy, busy all the time. I am officially accepted as a credential student at Cal State San Bernardino and start in Sept. I have to be honest that I am not thrilled with the idea of going back. The credential program is very intense. From Sept through Dec. I will be going 1 day and 3 nights a week. Jan through June I will be going to school at night and teaching as a student teacher in the classroom from 8-3 5 days a week. I am not sure how I am going to be the Mom I want to be, the wife I want to be, and the person at home I want to be while my schooling is so intense. We shall see!
So we had some unexpected expenses with the kids going back to school, sports, band, life, you know how it works. We have been doing cheap and simple meals with having practive every night of the week. My eating has not been in contol since the beginning of the summer. I am going to be starting weight watchers on Sept. 1st. I am hoping to go to meetings but I am not sure if finances will allow for it. I am waiting and praying for what to do. I will post again on Sept. 1st with all my new diet news and ideas. I am hoping to be refreshed from a summer of bad eating and no exercise. So look for Me on Sept. 1st with a whole new attitude.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Why is it that just when the kids go back to school and I think I should have free time I don't? I feel busy non stop. I have a list of things I want to get done before I go back to school and can't seem to get anything done. It is amazing.
Well Shawn and I are officially memebers of Water of Life church. We went to the membership class on Sunday evening and made it official. We also signed up for a spiritual gifts class that starts in Sept. and after much prayer and thought we have decided to start a home Bible study. The church has a huge need for people who are willing to lead groups in their home. We had been thinging about it and after talking alot and praying a ton Sundays message reallt spoke to us and told us that we were supposed to open our home and not only that but make it so that people can bring their kids. As a young family we know how hard it is to find a Bible study that is kid friendly. The church offers care for Garrett and Cody's age and since we live close the kids can go to the church but Pj's age is what we are gearing towards. We are going to stock up in kid videos with Christian themes and hope that we can get though a study. I guess well see how it goes in Sept.
I am still waiting to see what it is that I am supposed to be doing. I turned in my credential stuff but haven't heard back from them yet. I have been praying about my future and where God want's me but so far I have really been learning patients. Hopefully we will see soon.
Well I am off to a filled up day,

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Wow were the last two days rough. The kids started school and life as we know it is getting crazy. I let loose on my blog and was talking to myself and I think some people took it the wrong way. Let me clarify that I was talking to myself. Iw ould never vent on my blg without talking to people first so for that I am sorry.

I think life just got the best of me and I was running on no food, sleep, or coffee creamer. I wasn't a happy camper. I feel refreshed and much better today.

Yesterday my brother andd his wife welcomed their first baby.

Emily Elizabeth (that's my middle name) was born at 5:59 via c-section. She weighed in at 8 lbs 14 oz and 21 1/2 inches long. She is beautiful and perfect in every way. Something so simple can be such an amazing spirital reminder. God is so good and awesome.

Well I am off to work on pulling stuff together for soccer tonight have a good one,


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I have commitment issues. I signed a contract with a few people to not cheat and do well for 6 weeks. It is not going well. I am angry that someone else is telling me how to diet. Not in a mean way but it just isn't my terms so I am bitter and mad. It isn't that someone is telling me it is just that I have no will power and don't want I admit that I cheated.I like to do things on my terms and on my time and right now I am not feeling like dieting and so there.
Ok now that I ranted I 'll tell you about my week.
The kids are back at school. I am glad they are back but also a little off on my schedule and stuff. Brandy went into the hospital Sun. to have my niece and she still is there this morning. Still no baby. They are inducing but doing it very slowly. Hoping today will be the day. I'll keep ya posted. We start soccer practice for Cody this week among with Porter baseball so we are busy with practices monday - thursday from now until December. Life is crazy and it wouldn't be life if it wasn't, right?
Well I will post again later.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Yesterday went super well. I went to the market for a real shopping trip for the first time since our beach vacation in June. I would go grab 1 meal but no the whole shabang. I decided on weight watchers as my diet or lifestyle change of choice because I can live long term on it. I need something that isn't quick and done so I can gain it all back again. I need a diet that teaches me how to eat. I looked at Prism and a few other diets but I don't want to eliminate and one food group. Let's be realistic, I still want dessert every once in awhile. I still want bread and popcorn when I have the points.

Matt came over for dinner last night and we had a great meal. We had steak, baked sweet potatoes, grilled veggies, and corn on the cob. I cooked it the same except I made the guys baked potatoes with all the fixens while I had my sweet potato with a little cinnamon. Yummy! We had a great night of conversations and Ghostbusters the movie.

I am in a little pickle over what to do with my future. I am not sure what God wants me to do. I keep praying but I haven't heard back yet. I really feel in my gut that an art credential isn't what I am supposed to be doing. I am not sure what I should be doing. I am going to turn in my application and keep on the road for my credential but if another answer surfaces before or even during my credential I may follow it. I just feel that an art job isn't where I am supposed to be. I may look into multiple subject credential for elementary school but I am just chillin waiting for God's help in this area.

Well today is an organize the house and get back from vacation mode day.

Have a good Tues.


Monday, August 3, 2009

Well I am back from vacation. We had a wonderful time and it was so nice to relax with my family. Coming back from vacation is bittersweet, not only because it means coming back to reality but also because this is the Monday. I have been putting off dieting for almost the entire summer and now that the kids are heading back to school and life is starting back up it is time to work on me again.

I am realizing that it is more than just food to me. I have an addiction to food and I use it as a crutch. I have areas of hurt in my life and I use food to fill the hurt. I have had long talks with alot of people about my past and it is a reoccuring topic in my life alot lately. I feel like God is telling me that I have to fix myself and deal with this issue before I can move on to bigger and better things that he has in store for me.

When I was 11 years old my Dad walked away from my family and left my Mom to be a single Mom to three kids. My Mom did the best she could for the situation she was in. My life was great for the most part but as a young girl there is alot of hurt that goes along with your father leaving you. I have abandonment issues as well as other issues including food. I always tell people that I have forgiven him and moved on but the truth is that forgiving him and getting over this is impossible. How am I supposed to forgive him for being a complete asshole and changing my whole life when he made a very selfish decision? I can't! I recently read that you know something is from God if it sounds impossible well this issue in my life is impossible and I am actually a little upset with God that he wants me to deal with it.

I didn't intend for my post today to be an angry one or to talk about this but I had to. I am angry and I know that the only way I will get over this is with God. Through God all things are possible. I know that I am not going to walk away from my kids and that I am not him but alot of his choices to be a selfish jerk of a man have effected and changed my life. I am starting a journal of my feeling and journey through healing. I know it may take years and may not ever happen but I am finally willing to hand it to God and get on with my life.

Ok as for diet I know that I have an addiction. I have been doing diet after diet but I know that I need to change me and figure out why I eat. I have a book called Prism weight loss that helps youu deal with more than just eating. I am going to be reading this as I try to figure out why food has such a hold on me.

Here is my plan. I weighed in this morning at 186.6. I am putting away the scale and not weighing myself for 6 weeks. In that 6 weeks I also am NOT going to cheat. It isn't an option. I am making a vow to myself that I can and will make 6 weeks, 42 days. On Sept. 14th I will weigh myself. I need to learn that weight is more than a number it is about how I feel while dieting and about myself that matters. My post has gotten kind of long so tomorrow I will fill you in on my eating regimine. I'm not sure yet which program I am going to do. I love Weight watchers but I feel that by not eliminating any certain food that my addiction will still be there when I have lost that weight. Well enough for today.